


Comfortably Settled

by Higgystar



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen, Kinkmeme, M/M, Slash, preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1465996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgystar/pseuds/Higgystar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from the kink meme: AU where the group settle in a liberated Woodbury and live in houses as small 'family' groups. After couch surfing for a while, Rick eventually gets Daryl to live with him and his children to the point where they get rather comfortable and domestic, to the point that before going on a supply run Rick instinctively kisses Daryl goodbye. Preslash and AU.</p><p>First chapter is the fill for the prompt, the following chapters are a continuation of this AU and the development of the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a strange but not unwanted sensation to be awoken by the sun streaming in through the gap in the curtains instead of the gurgles and moans of the once dead. Rick takes the time to stretch out, arching back against the sheets on his bed and just enjoying that now he’s able to start his day at a leisurely pace. There is no rush anymore and though there’s still work to be done and everyone pulls their weight, it’s not as desperate all the time. At the prison there was a constant need to be on guard and make sure every part that they did not have secure wasn’t hiding anything unwanted on the other side.

Woodbury was much easy to defend if only because they knew what to expect from it. The prison was new ground for all of them and though Rick had a basic knowledge of the layout, it was nothing like the natural ease that came to moving around a street of houses and gardens. Everyone had settled in easy, taking their own houses and getting comfortable. Beds were now something they all had and enjoyed every night, they had vegetable gardens, room to breathe and the lack of grey prison walls seemed to have breathed more life into everybody.

The previous citizens of Woodbury had been on edge at first of course, but as soon as they displayed their prowess with ridding any linger walkers and spent their time and energy giving medical aid and hunting for them all, they soon warmed up to them. The town had taken a while to get to a decent state and the walls had been rebuilt as well as a few surrounding boundaries and stakes to keep the walkers at bay. It worked and it worked well for everyone involved.

Though he was no longer the leader of everyone, he was still considered to be one of the more respected members of the new group and as soon as it was decided to have a council, he was given a chair. Andrea had helped a lot those first few weeks, showing them all around and easing the Woodbury folks to their presence and giving them more information about what they had done for her before they got separated.

Closing his eyes for a moment Rick knows there won’t be any repercussions for taking his time and actually being able to enjoy himself without the worry of something happening in the meantime. His family were here in the walls of Woodbury and were safe without him having to be constantly on guard for them. He knew he’d made the right choice in bringing them here to settle in, after the battle the prison was just so much harder to repair and fortify whereas Woodbury was set to go after the necessary repairs had been made. There had been no sign of the Governor returning and though he still made sure to keep someone on watch, there’s never been more to report than the odd small herd to deal with.

Standing up Rick actually finds pleasure in the little things he’d hated before, shaving and brushing his teeth used to be chores whereas now it was something he treasured being able to do. He hasn’t looked this healthy since before he got shot and even he can see the good it’s done to be here, his face looked fuller and there were no more deep dark bags beneath his eyes. He actually looks human again.

Everyone else was certainly enjoying having the luxuries of power again after their time on the run and in the prison with none at all. It took work to keep the generators going but Milton has it under control and he’s been working on new plans for hunting down solar panels and attaching them to give them a renewable source instead of using up more of the gas. It had been a burst of life to have everything they hadn’t had before suddenly available to them and he knew everyone loved feeling normal again.

Maggie and Glenn were married now, and even discussing the possibilities of starting a family of their own if everything stays like this. Hershel had given his blessing and found his place in the community helping in their small medical centre as well as teaching everyone about farming and maintaining it. Beth had even been helping making plans for adding a small farm to the edge of the town, maybe using the old arena as a starting point and the walker holds as a makeshift barn for the animals. It seemed rather feasible and Rick was hopeful this could really be the perfect place to stay.

The others had found their places as well, Carol taking up a role as a teacher to the children and younger teens, not only helping with their basic education but with survival aspects as well with the help of Andrea and Michonne. Though the latter two women much preferred going on runs and getting rid of any herds, they had formed a bond with Carol and Sasha, sharing a home with them both and managing to make them smile once more. They were good for each other, mixing and matching in the perfect way, accentuating the strengths in each other.

Tyreese had settled with one of Woodbury woman, a lady named Karen who had taken a shine to him immediately. He’d settled in with her and helped out with any chore that needed doing, the handyman of the town and just as good using the hammer to make things as he was using it to destroy walkers. The street was getting full, bedrooms being called for and soon enough all the houses were completely in use. Until they begin adding more houses or making more space, everyone was just having to enjoy living in each other’s pockets.

Pulling on his sheriff’s uniform he enjoys burying his nose in the collar, smelling the freshness of actual clean fabric, with real soap powder instead of crappy washboards and cold water. Rick knows he has plenty of other clothes to wear but this was still a part of his life, something he still wanted to hang on to despite everything that had happened. He and Carl had settled into a two-bedroomed place on the edge of town, not wanting to have the Governor’s lavish property to themselves when others could make a better use of it. Judith didn’t take up much space, her crib was set at the end of his bed but as usual he’d woken up to find it empty. Fastening the last button he heads downstairs, used to the lack of panic at finding his daughter missing.

“Wait wait! Where’s my guy? What colour am I again?”

“You’re Tails, the orange fox, you have to keep up with Sonic because you’re the second player.”

Laughing to himself Rick glances over to find Daryl and Carl sitting on the floor in front of the television, barely three feet away and tapping at the controllers. They’d found the console in an old store and though he had no idea how in the hell to set it up, Glenn had it running in seconds and now each run looked for games as well. It’s something so small but for them it’s huge and it’s become Carl’s priority to teach Daryl how to play properly.

Honestly when they’d first arrived at Woodbury, Daryl had been the one he’d worried about most. The other man had been held hostage here, forced to fight for his life, been ridiculed and spat on by some of these very residents. The first week Daryl had spent a lot of time hunting, staying out of the way and not finding his place. The man would skip from house to house, couch jumping and not settling anywhere until he’d turned up on their doorstep one night.

Rick had forced him to stay, made him bring his stuff over and park Merle’s motorbike outside as a definite symbol of his permanent residence. Daryl had been reluctant at first, and Rick could tell the sudden changes and new way of living had put him on edge but it had worked and over time he had settled into his new role in this house. Rick never pushed him to do any of it, but Daryl had become his domestic partner, keeping the house together, watching Judith more often than not and keeping an eye on Carl when he was busy with the council and solving problems.

The weeks had passed and Daryl had gotten more comfortable, helping out around the town, interacting with others and it got to the point where coming home and finding Daryl had taken care of everything else became the norm. It reminded Rick of how things were before and though everything was a little different, the routine of daily life was similar and very comforting. There were days when he’d come in and expect to see Lori smiling, coming over to welcome him home and wrap her arms about his neck, tipping back his hat and unbuttoning his shirt with a whisper of Carl being at soccer practise.

It wasn’t quite that perfect, but the routine and the easiness of it all was something he’d missed and something he was instinctively falling back into. Heading to the kitchen table he finds his breakfast already set out for him, powdered egg on toast with a mug of tea just the way he liked it on the side. Diving in he enjoys his meal whilst listening to Carl and Daryl in the other room.

“This game makes no sense at all.” Daryl’s getting frustrated, but the playful kind that won’t end up with something being broken and him storming off. “Why are there robot wasps and fish?”

When Carl answers he sounds exasperated, as if he cannot believe that someone doesn’t know the basics of Sonic the Hedgehog and had managed to survive this long. “Because they’re the baddies, Robotnik built them and they’ve got all the creatures of the homeworld trapped inside of them.” He explains, and Rick finished his eggs before heading over with his tea, leaning on the back of the couch to watch the two of them play.

“Holy shit what just happened?”

His son snickers, pointing to the screen and explaining slowly, as if Daryl were younger than him. “Yeah your guy can fly by spinning his tails like a propeller.”

“So I’m a flying fox?” The confusion in Daryl’s voice makes Rick laugh a little and the fact that his son is trying to teach him something so useless as a video game makes him feel more at home here than usual. It’s not something he needs to know, it’s something Carl wants to know and share with the other man. At no point will this help with survival, it’s just fun and it’s wonderful to see his son having that again.

“Yup and I’m a hedgehog that can run at the speed of light.” Carl laughs, not turning his head to look but clearly able to feel the look Daryl is giving him as they continue pressing buttons and making their characters hop around the screen. “I know it is weird but try not to think about it too much, just enjoy the game.”

“I’m doing my best but my glamorous assistant here keeps button bashing.” Daryl sighs, and Rick can hear his daughter in Daryl’s lap, babbling happily and smacking her chubby hands over Daryl’s fingers and causing him to hit buttons at the wrong time. Once again his character does a mix between jumping, flying and running, before hitting something and losing another life.

Taking a sip of his tea Rick finally feels awake and alert enough to interact with the world. “Judith stop it, you’ll make Daryl lose and he sucks bad enough as it is.”

“Hey I don’t suck, I’m just still learning how to play is all.” The other man complains, trying to wrestle Judith’s fingers off his controller until Rick takes pity on him and goes over to take her from his lap, giving his daughter a morning kiss and enjoying when she squeals happily to him.

Rocking her lightly he fusses over her, enjoying her smiles and how she tries to copy him when he pokes out his tongue at her. “How long you guys been on it?” He doesn’t mean to be a spoilsport but they have limits for a reason, having fun was fine but they needed the generators for other things too.

“Our half hour’s nearly up dad, we’ve got the timer on don’t worry.” Carl nods to the kitchen timer on the television, ticking down the minutes until the console needs to be turned off.

“Yeah we can’t play later because Carl’s going to go hang out with Patrick, Zach and the other kids.” Daryl explains why their daily ritual of playing games after dinner had been thrown out the window.

It’s sounds like a great reason to him and Rick is pleased to hear that Carl is actually taking the initiative to hang around with other kids, even if they are a few years older than him. It’s still a step in the right direction and though having Daryl here has made Carl a lot more like his old self, Daryl was still an adult and there was a big difference there. “What you boys gonna get up to?” He doesn’t want to sound like the worried parent, but he was used to knowing exactly where Carl was at all times.

Shrugging a little Carl continues watching the screen, easily making his character bounce off of bad guys and outrun Daryl’s until the orange blob is off-screen. “Not much. We got a football we can throw around and a dartboard, we were thinking maybe we could set up our own game room, like our own mini club house you know?” He doesn’t sound brilliantly excited, and Rick can see when he glances over at Daryl, as if trying to apologise for doing something so normal.

Rick focuses on throwing Judith into the air and catching her, getting her to giggle and squeal as Daryl answers, making Rick even more sure bringing the other man into the house was a good idea. “Sounds pretty cool.” He can practically feel the way Carl relaxes at the other man’s acceptance. “I could teach you how to play poker if you want.”

“We haven’t got any cards Daryl.” Carl sounds put out and when the timer goes off he dutifully turns off the console, looking disappointed.

“I’ll find you some, or we can make some, it’s not hard to do.” Daryl shrugs as if it’s no big deal, getting up from the floor and moving to grab Judith’s teething blanket, passing it over before the baby can start fussing over her sore gums.

“Cool, you could teach me first and then I’ll teach the guys.” Carl nods, and Rick can’t help but smile since he can tell his son wants to be the one to teach them something so cool and adult. He knew Carl was enjoying having some people more his age, but there was still a few years difference and though Carl acted more mature in many ways, he still felt the need to prove himself.

Daryl nods, passing Carl his jacket and flicking at the brim of his hat, making the boy huff in annoyance before setting it straight again. “All right, tonight then.” Holding out a fist Rick smirks as Carl bumps Daryl’s automatically, their version of a promise and he figures Carl is getting too old for words of being safe and careful.

“Cool, I’ll see you later dad.” Carl offers him a fist bump of his own and Rick has to laugh as he gives in. It’s sad but he never wanted to be the uncool dad that wasn’t with the times. “Be good Judith.” Leaning up Carl holds his sister’s wrist steady and bumps her hand gently before heading out the door, waving over his shoulder. “Can’t wait for later Daryl!”

Judith chews on her blanket before resting on his shoulder, content to just lay there and drool over his clean shirt as he continues getting ready for the day. The run is only for more supplies, there was a batch of warehouses down the way that they hadn’t tried yet, and though they were all latched Rick knew they could get into them anyway and hopefully find a lot of things they could use. It would be a long day but unlike before at the prison, he feels prepared for it now, especially after having such an easy wake up.

Keeping Judith close he makes another cup of tea one handed, hooking out another mug for Daryl even though he knew the other man wasn’t exactly a fan of the brew. “You know most parents wouldn’t appreciate you teaching their thirteen year old how to gamble.”

Daryl shrugs from his spot at the table, already measuring the card and taking out a knife to start marking out points on it. “Most parents don’t teach their thirteen year olds how to shoot walkers in the head.” He points out and Rick has to admit that’s a good point. “Dunno what the big deal is, I knew how to play when I was his age, heck I knew how to cheat most of the guys in the local bar by his age. That’s how we paid the bills.” Rick sips at his tea before moving to pass Judith to Daryl and set the other man’s drink on the table in front of him.

Rick smirks at Daryl’s answer, able to imagine a thirteen year old Daryl cheating guys out of their money easily. Shaking his head at the image he clips on his holster, never wanting to be without it just in case. He knows Daryl had a rather hectic life before all this, but it was nice when the other man would sometimes let the good parts of it slip through.

Checking his side he finds his knife missing but before he can even ask about it, Daryl has produced it, passing it over with one hand whilst bouncing his daughter on his knee with the other. “Thanks.”

“It’s sharpened so don’t expect as much resistance as you’re used to.”

Nodding Rick slips the blade into its sheath, setting his hand onto the handle in a natural movement. He feels refreshed and ready for the day, not worried as much as he would be about going on a run. Of course they’ll still need to be careful, but he feels ready for anything. “Great, you going hunting today?”

“Planning to.” Daryl’s voice is muffled as Judith grabs at his mouth, giggling when he mouths at her fingers before pulling free. “Maggie and Carol said they’ll be coming over around lunch to watch Lil Asskicker, I’ll go for a few hours, check the snares and see what’s in the area.” He shrugs, keeping Judith occupied whilst he takes a sip of his tea, made with plenty of sugar to make it more bearable for him.

“All right.” Draining his own mug Rick places it on the side to be washed up later, catching a glance out the window at the bright street of Woodbury. There’s so much colour here, as if the rest of the world had been washed out over time. “You’ll be back before dinner though? You know she fusses when you’re not here.” Moving over he reaches to tickle at Judith’s chin, enjoying when she squirms and bats at his hand.

“Yeah I'll be back before then, got to keep the Princess happy.” As Rick moves to the door Daryl gets up from his seat, rocking Judith lightly as Rick pulls on his jacket. When Daryl reaches out to straighten the collar for him, Rick can’t help but smile, feeling the ease of it all and how there’s no more tension in either of their shoulders. “Now get going or Tyreese is going to go without you.” Daryl chastises playfully.

Everything is so different now. The days feel lighter and though there is always work to be done, it doesn’t feel so hard anymore. He’s finding that each day allows him to breathe a little easier, to share the burden and be who Rick Grimes was before all of this happened. It’s all getting better, Carl is happier, Judith is finally able to grow in a world with some stability and finally Rick’s beginning to see a future for all of them on the horizon. A future that’s got just enough reflections of the past to be safe and let him run on instinct alone.

“I’m going, I’m going.” He laughs, moving to kiss Judith’s forehead gently, enjoying the soft baby smell of her shampoo and just how alive and real she is. He doesn’t think anything of it when he leans up, cupping the back of Lori’s head to press a soft kiss to her lips, remembering when she’d been like this with a young Carl, smiling and leaning into his kiss with a small sigh. Sending him off to work with the promise of being there when he got back from a long day. “See you later you two.”

He can hear Judith giggling behind him as he makes his way down the path, the door closing gently and sealing behind the comfortable home life and releasing him into work mode. Rick climbs into the truck with Tyreese, leaning out the window as the other man drives and enjoying the gentle conversation he’s sharing with the other man and Michonne. It’s not until they’re halfway to the warehouses that he realises he hadn’t kissed Lori.

It’s not much later when he realises Daryl hadn’t pulled away.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s not until mid afternoon that Carl heads back through town, enjoying the noise of other people being around and the wonderful feeling of actually being in a crowd again. At first when his dad had brought them here he’d been so unsure of it all, not wanting to leave the prison and the safety they had made for themselves for a place he wasn’t sure of. It didn’t help that there were something’s that couldn’t be packed in the back of a truck and brought with them; like mom. It had hurt to leave her there and though he knew she would be happier there, where she was safe behind fences but could see the grass and woodland, hear the birds and be free, there was still a part of him that felt guilty for leaving.

At first he’d resisted the changes, staying inside his new room, not mingling with the town and taking up as many responsibilities as he could to protect the town. If he was going to stay here then he’d have to make sure it was safe enough for himself and his family, he wasn’t going to lose anyone else, not if he could help it.

It had been hard admitting that this place was better and though he knew he was stubborn at first, shouting at his dad more often than not and trying to stay away from everyone else, now he had to admit it was better than the prison in a lot of ways. Woodbury was homely, with actual beds, power, space, high walls, food and of course people. He’d tried to stay loyal to the prison, however stupid that sounded now, hanging out with the adults he knew well and pretending not to see the other kids closer to his age on the streets.

Carl knew he was stronger than all of them, he was capable of protecting himself and his family, he was trusted to keep his gun on himself at all times and knew how to stay alive. They were stupid, still innocent and with no survival instinct, at first he’d felt superior to them all. After a while he just felt lonely and left out, especially when his family began mingling with the Woodbury crowd and smiling more, relaxing and leaving weapons at home to walk about freely.

Now though this place was home.

Woodbury had grown on him and between the other kids, the lack of conflict and the power making life easier, he’d found himself calmer and happier here. It doesn’t mean he’s lax about his defence though and though his dad prefers for him to keep his gun in the house, Carl still keeps his knife at his side at all times just in case. Kicking at the tarmac beneath his feet he tips his hat to a couple of passing women, enjoying when they laugh cheerfully and smile back to him.

The sun is still high in the sky, heating the pavement and he’s pleased he’s still got his dad’s hat to keep the blinding light from his eyes. It’s too early to go home yet, judging by the time Maggie and Carol would be looking after Judy and probably be out enjoying the sun, meaning he needed to find something to do until Dad and Daryl got home.

Balancing on the edge of the curb he heads down to the other end of town away from home, grinning when he reaches the new site being prepared for the farm extension. He can see Beth down the way, smiling brightly and helping Glenn clear out some of the area, shifting boxes and pieces of debris. Eagerly he heads over, tipping back the hat and trying to act casual, clearing his throat to get their attention before trying to use all the charm he had. “Hey Beth, need a hand?”

She turns to him, hair flicking over her shoulder in a loose braid and happily handing over the box she’d had, letting him take the weight of it and Carl can’t help when his heart skips as her fingers brush over his arm. “Thanks Carl, normally I wouldn’t mind but some of them are so heavy. I dunno what they were doing over here, but if we’re gonna try and flesh out this place for more gardens and make it right for animals, well it’s all gotta go.”

Nodding happily he follows her over to where they’re stacking the boxes and items, the second group of people helping to sort through for anything useful and trash anything that would just take up space. “It’ll be cool to have some animals here. I mean if we got chickens we could have some real eggs again.”

“That would be awesome.” Beth grins, closing her eyes and Carl knows she’s remembering something great from before, when food wasn’t so precious. “My daddy makes the best scrambled eggs in the world, but it just ain’t the same with powdered.” She sighs, and Carl doesn’t need to be asked to continue helping her, lifting the heavier boxes with her and shifting all the junk.

“Nah I know what you mean, Daryl tries to make it more edible but I think he’s better at killing and skinning things instead.” He can’t exactly talk, he’s got no skills in the kitchen and no matter how hard he tries everything ends up burnt somehow.

Beth giggles lightly, swinging her arms in time with his to move a particularly heavy bar of rusted old metal out of the way. “Well when we get this all built and ready, and find some animals to keep you’ll have to come help us out. I can show you the ropes and train you up to be a proper farmer, you ever milked a coz before?”

Shaking his head Carl pulls a face of revulsion, the thought of doing it freaking him out already. He can’t imagine having to do that, probably getting covered in cow shit and kicked in the face. “Ew no! That’s gross.”

This is fun and when Beth laughs again, Carl really doesn’t mind Woodbury so much. “Is not, where else did you think milk came from?”

“A bottle.” He jokes, watching her face as she looks at him with horror, he can’t keep the serious look on his face and breaks into a grin, laughing at her reaction. “I know it comes from a cow but there’s a big difference thinking about it like that. I mean…that’s a cow’s boobs.”

“Carl!”

“Well they are!” All work has stopped and right now it’s just him and Beth laughing in the old arena, enjoying the sunlight and remembering how to have fun again. “It’s just cow nipple juice…you know I’m not sure we need a farm after all. Why don’t we build a shooting range instead?”

She rolls her eyes at that idea, putting her hands on her hips and acting as if he’d personally insulted her instead of the imaginary cows. “So you’ll eat roasted squirrel but not a cow’s nipple juice?”

“It’s all in the presentation Beth.” Carl smirks, moving quickly to take up another box of garbage when Glenn looks to be getting annoyed at the lack of help.

“What does Daryl garnish the plate with the tails or something?” Beth’s voice is bright and happy, higher than usual and Carl swears she looks brighter than she had in the prison, as if this new start had breathed more life into her. ”Make the plate all pretty before you eat?”

“Can’t complain, it tastes good enough.” He admits and though at the beginning of all this he remembers cringing over the thought of eating frogs, now he doesn’t think anything would bother him if it was put on a plate. “I mean my dad likes it and even Judith is able to have little pieces mixed in with her baby mush.”

“Sounds like Daryl’s become quite the little housewife since we moved here. You should see if we can find him an apron.” Beth jokes, tugging around the sweater from around her waist and twisting it to be in front of her, like a little apron a server would have in a restaurant. She skips about, dainty on her feet and pretending to carry a plate of food, looking like a fool and though he knows it’s a joke, something about it strikes a cord within him.

“He’s not a housewife!” Carl doesn’t shout, but his voice is strong enough that she knows he’s not happy and folding his arms he’s not sure if he wants to help out anymore.

Beth stops skipping, turning to face him for a spin and untying her jacket, looking a little put out that he wasn’t smiling at her joke. “I don’t mean it in a bad way, it’s a tough job and your dad is always so busy with checking on everyone and running things with the council, someone’s got to take care of your place.” She shrugs, moving closer to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. “The chores don’t get done by themselves you know.”

Carl finds it helps a little bit and looking up at Beth from beneath his hat he can see that really she didn’t mean anything mean by it. It was all a bit of fun after all and heck Daryl probably would have laughed, but it just feels weird to hear him spoken about like that. “I guess he does do that sort of stuff, but he’s not a housewife or nothing, he just lives with us is all.” He shrugs, not knocking off her hand but not leaning into it either as he tries to explain exactly what their situation at home was. “He helps out my dad, looks after Judith and plays videogames with me. You know he’s teaching me to play poker later?”

And like that Beth is smiling again, the tension is lifted and they’re just two kids passing the time together. “That’s cool, once you’ve mastered it you can take on me. We’ll bet with eggs.” She nods, deciding his fate before he’s even learnt the game.

Looking her over he can’t help but find the thought amusing, especially not when he thought of poker players as fat old men smoking cigars and flicking chips in a dusty bar. Beth was none of those things. “You know how to play poker?”

“There’s a lot of things I know Carl Grimes, I’m not some innocent farm girl who isn’t wise to the ways of the world.” She grins, tying her jacket back around her waist, bouncing a little on her feet as her father calls for her to go and help him with the plans. “I’ll play you after you learn and when I win you have to give me your egg rations for the day and do a dare.” Beth pats his shoulder on her way past, hopping away in the sunlight and giving him a teasing grin as she goes to help Hershel in the shade.

“You’re on.” He calls back, turning to leave the cleared arena and head back home, wondering if Daryl was back from his hunt and if the playing cards had been made.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s not that he likes to show off or anything, Daryl just doesn’t feel the need to cause a fuss when there’s no need to. It’s why he scales the surrounding wall of Woodbury and climbs over their defences instead of waiting for those on guard to open the door for him. As far as he’s concerned it’s a waste of time to open it all up, check for walkers and go through the motions just to let him in. Besides it wasn’t like he was going to hurt himself or anything.

Dropping to the ground he can hear a sigh above him and turns to find Andrea giving him that look, the one that was full of exasperation. Sometimes she reminds him of Merle when she looks like that, he figures maybe it’s an older sibling thing and Carl will start looking like that at Judith someday. “Hey, squirrel?” He offers her the string of dead vermin, shaking it in her direction when she rolls her eyes at his antics.

“You know we have a door Daryl.” She rolls her eyes, shouldering her rifle as if she’s scolding a child who had misbehaved.

“It takes too long to walk around the wall, besides if you’re pointing your gun that way, I’d rather be over here.” Daryl replies, not caring that he sounds like he’s whining or that he knows bringing up that situation annoys the crap out of Andrea.

It works and she’s soon hissing down to him, her usually calm demeanour lost and making her pace back and forth in frustration. It makes him grin to know he’s won in his own way. “That was one time, I was still learning and you did look like a walker. You know I don’t have time for this, go play with your squirrel, I’m busy on lookout.”

Snorting at the thought of anyone being busy on lookout he heads for their storage rooms, entering the old grocery store and heading out back to the walk in chiller there. It’s not much but being able to keep the meat in here made it a lot easier to feed so many. Though he had others helping him hunt now and he’d set up snares and traps to keep a steady inflow of meat for the town. But now there were almost a hundred of them and it made it easier to not have to feed that many with fresh meat everyday.

It’s natural to him to skin the squirrels, leaving them to hang in the meat chiller from hooks and filling up even more space. Though everyone had access to the store and the food supplies, it’s all separated into suitable portions by one of the Woodbury women and everything is accounted for daily. It keeps things in check and prevents theft, meaning there’s not as much pressure to provide since everything is even.

Leaving today’s catch in the chiller he slides the door shut behind himself before heading into the store, trying to smile nicely to her when she hands over her clipboard. He’s still uncomfortable around the Woodbury folk, but Karen isn’t so bad and she’s always so grateful for everything he brings in for them all. “Good hunt today?”

The conversation isn’t necessary, he’s told her that before, but every time it’s the same with her trying to make small talk. It’s still not easy but he’s getting used to keeping up some semblance of chit chat between them. “Not too bad. Set up more snares, and thinking of getting a net between some of the trees, see if we could get some birds sometime.” He shrugs, flicking through the boxes of rations divided on the shelving and seeing what’s on the cards for today.

Karen bustles about around him, placing a few more cans in boxes and ticking things off on one of the many lists pinned around the room. “I’ll check those tomorrow with the guys, you deserve a day to relax for once Daryl, sometimes I think you push yourself too hard.”

“Just doing what’s got to be done.” He shrugs, not understanding why she always makes such a big deal about him hunting so much. No one had ever minded before, but she seemed to always want to help him out and lighten the load. Filling out today’s catch on the forms she’s made up he scribbles the basic details for her, how many and how big, what type of animal and where it was stored. Karen does all the dates and stuff, labelling and signing things, Daryl had never asked, but he figures she was some sort of office worker before all of this.

She pulls that face, the one that Carol gets right before she calls him Pooky and says he’s not eating enough. What is it with people giving him looks today? “Well sometimes you do too much. I mean you’re always looking after the baby, helping out with the handy work and I see Carl with you more than I do his father.”

He frowns at that, pausing in his scribbled picture of a dead squirrel to take up some space to glance over to her. “Rick’s busy is all and I don’t mind looking after the kid. He’s family.” Daryl explains, wondering exactly why this woman cared where he spent his time and who he was with.

“I just don’t want you burning yourself out trying to do everything for Rick. Just because you live with him doesn’t mean you have to do everything he says you know?” There’s something he doesn’t like in her voice, like she’s trying to be comforting but also ask questions without using the right words. He knows he’s shit at reading people and stuff like that, but he knows she’s making him feel uneasy and he shouldn’t feel the need to defend his choices about where he lives to this woman.

“I know. I don’t. It’s not like that at all.” He likes living with the Grimes family, it feels more comfortable there than it did in any of the other houses and besides Lil Asskicker and Carl were no trouble to keep an eye on. It had never felt like a chore or tiring to do everything he did for them all, he enjoyed keeping himself busy and earning his keep and besides if it made Rick’s life easier, well the other man deserved that much. Karen is still looking at him with sympathy, as if he’s some slave being worked too hard. Shoving the clipboard back to her he takes the box of their rations for dinner and holds his crossbow a little tighter, heading out of the little store and trying to ignore the thoughts that had been brought up by Karen’s stupid attempt at conversation.

Before everything happened he’d never had a home. Well he’d had four walls and roof that he slept in but it wasn’t home, it was just a house he lived in. There had been no sense of belonging back there and his father hadn’t exactly tried to make it all welcoming or homely. So he’d never felt like he belonged and though he knew every nook and cranny in that shitty run down shack of a house, he never felt comfortable in it.

Here though, despite everything they’d been through in the stupid war between them both, he could actually feel at ease. Woodbury had been hard to get used to and he’d taken weeks to learn the boltholes and fix any weaknesses in the fences, wanting to have a complete knowledge of the place they were going to call home. Now though he liked it here and in moments like this he actually looked forward to heading back across the street to the plain fronted house and getting to feel at home.

Who cared what Karen thought anyway, who gave a shit what any of them thought about their not so normal arrangement, it wasn’t as if anything else was normal anymore anyway. He doesn’t mind helping out with the kids, managing to take some of the pressure off of Rick and get to see the other man actually relax once in a while. It had been so long since he’d seen that easy smile on his face and actually known that the man was all right. Thinking back he knows he hasn’t seen him like this since a long time ago, at the farm, before finding Sophia, before he lost Shane and before he and Lori had stopped being able to communicate.

It was awful to think about, but that was when he’d begun to get closer to Rick, filling the gaps left by others and finding that maybe he did have a place in their group. At first he’d been unsure but over time it had just become a place he couldn’t imagine leaving, being by Rick’s side when he needed him, helping when he wasn’t able to function or just being there to give a nod of agreement at a difficult decision.

Pushing open the front door he dumps the box of food on the table along with his crossbow, finding a note left there from Carol and Maggie, letting him know they’d taken Judith for a walk in the fresh air and would be back soon. Usually it doesn’t bother him to be surrounded by those he considers family, but right this second he’s relieved to have a moment to be by himself and to just think things through.

Slumping on the couch he lets his head roll back, closing his eyes and letting himself take a few breaths to just settle in. If he was honest he’d been keeping himself busy all day for a reason, to keep his mind off Rick and the incident from this morning. He’s sure to most it wouldn’t be a big deal, just an accident, or maybe it was just a joke he didn’t get the punch line to, it wouldn’t be the first time. He just remembers how relaxed Rick had been when leaving this morning, a smile on his face and no tension in his shoulders. The other man had been neat, well kept and Daryl feels like he’s finally getting to meet the Rick Grimes that was around before the walkers came.

Really it had just been a normal morning, he’d been up with Judith since the early hours anyway, trying to keep her quiet enough not to disturb the other two as they slept in. He doesn’t know if he’d somehow urged Rick on to do it, but racking his mind he cannot pinpoint anything that he’d done to get that kind of reaction out of the man. It had all just been so normal and calm, peaceful almost as he made sure everyone was ready for the day and fed. Then Rick had given him that smile at the front door, leaning down to kiss his daughter before moving back up and-

It couldn’t have been an accident. It wasn’t as if Rick had slipped and fallen on his lips or something, and he hadn’t laughed either so maybe it wasn’t a joke at all. Sighing a little he rubs at his eyes, feeling the dirt and grime from the hunt smear over his skin and itch a little. Daryl still didn’t mind being dirty, his whole life he’d been covered in a healthy layer of grime, so he couldn’t really start getting picky now, but he didn’t really want to get the house covered in mud and squirrel juices.

Trudging up the stairs he heads to the bathroom, stripping down and tossing his dirty clothes to the laundry corner of the hallway before slipping into the shower to wash himself off. Washing had never been something he’d considered enjoyable, so even now with hot water and multiple bottles of some kind of cleaning stuff, he doesn’t linger any longer than he has to. Standing in the spray he watches the dirt and grime pool around his feet before draining away, never seeming to end as he scrubbed at his skin.

Maybe Rick had just wanted to thank him for doing a good job or something and that was how people who were close shared affection like that. No he may not be an expert, but he knows that’s bullshit. There must have been a reason for it all, but he really couldn’t think of a single thing he had done to make Rick react like that. He couldn’t even hope that Rick was tired and slipped up, they’d all slept better here than they had in a year or more. Catching some water in his mouth he swirls it about before spitting it down the drain, turning off the water and finding a clean towel.

He can practically hear Merle mocking him from beyond the grave, fucking laughing and calling him a pussy for getting himself into this situation. Rick’s bitch.

Digging his fingers into his scalp a little harder than necessary he dries his hair best he can, trying to get out the water and if he was lucky, the annoying worries that had been lingering beneath the surface all day. It wasn’t his fault he was so lost when it came to all of this, it was all so foreign and strange when it was happening to him. Bad enough he’d never really had any interest in anyone before, but now when he finally gets his first kiss it’s after the end of the world and with a man to boot.

Not that he really cared about that. He’d just never really cared too much about letting anyone close, and despite Merle’s constant pushiness and mentions of him needing to get his dick wet, he’d never really felt the need to find the opportunity to do so. Thinking about stuff was fine, because he was on his own then and could imagine getting to do whatever he wanted without having someone else there in his space, touching him and being too close. He remembers watching pornos and wondering how the people in them could breathe with someone pressed against them like that, then his mind had wandered to other things of course and left him with no answers.

Heading to the room he calls his own he grabs whatever clothes are on top of the pile, yanking on some pants and a vest top that he had to admit felt a lot better now it was really clean. It’s nice to not feel compelled to wear shoes all the time anymore, he can actually walk around barefoot without having to fret about needing to sprint to safety anytime soon. His room isn’t exactly homey, it’s more a box room than a bedroom, but it suits him just fine, he’s got space for his bed against the wall and room for a couple of boxes of stuff and a hook for his bow to hang on whilst he slept. It worked and was better than the couch anyway.

Honestly he doesn’t think the kiss coming from a man is what is the problem. Merle had always been a dick about that sort of thing, but honestly he didn’t much care what anyone else got up to. The only thing that’s really niggling at him and making him chew on his thumb as he pads back downstairs, is the fact that it’s Rick that kissed him.

Rick was someone he was so close to, someone he respected and enjoyed being around. Yes he’s sure anyone else in the world wouldn’t see any problem with this situation, but he’s just not sure exactly what the kiss would bring with it. Would everything else change along with it? Would Rick be more touchy feely with him now? Or would he start treating him differently? The thing is, though maybe he wasn’t entirely adverse to the idea of the kiss in itself, he wasn’t ready for anything to change right now.

He’d just gotten comfortable with how things were now.


	4. Chapter 4

He’d kissed Daryl.

With no warning, and no hint or tip that it was coming, he’d just kissed him before he left. The car rocks beneath him, Tyreese at the wheel and heading back the way they came now they’d had a successful day of scavenging. Rick knows he’s been preoccupied all day about this, and Michonne won’t stop giving him the side eye as if she can read his mind, not that he’s worried she can, it’s just unnerving. Especially when this has been gnawing at him all day.

The trip had actually been pretty tame by there standards, only twenty walkers killed between them and it had been well worth the fuel for the supplies they’d gotten. The back of the truck was loaded high with everything they’d found, from food to weapons and ammo, some things for entertainment, a set of tools and even a bag of abseiling equipment. Rick wasn’t exactly sure what they could use it for, but it paid to be prepared.

Watching the world pass by out the window he tries to keep up with the conversation between his companions, knowing he should enjoy himself whilst he could and join in laughing about trying to make a sports team in Woodbury. But every time he tries to focus on the here and now he remembers pressing his lips against Daryl’s, how he’d kissed him the same way he’d kissed Lori all those years ago. He should feel guilty for that, knowing that he’d been lost in a memory whilst kissing another person, but he can’t that and really the thing that was niggling at him the most was not that he’d thought it was Lori; but he hadn’t minded when he’d realised it wasn’t her.

He’d expected any of a range of emotions after his realisation, from anger or upset to confusion and humour at making such a mistake. Instead he’d just found himself rather calm and though he’s been thinking about it all day, there’s no panic, rather it just feels natural. Almost as if he’d been kissing Daryl goodbye everyday for a weeks and today had just been a normal day of him leaving for a run whilst Daryl watched his kids. It’s eerie to not to bothered by something like this, he feels like he should be bothered, but he’s just not.

It’s not that he doesn’t feel anything about the kiss, it’s just not exactly what he’d been expecting to feel. There ought to be some semblance of shame for thinking of his dead wife and then not being upset when he realised it wasn’t her he’d shared his farewell kiss with. Instead it just felt like a realisation and nothing more. Of course he still missed Lori, every day he remembered her, but though the kiss was meant for her, in no way was he disappointed that Daryl had received it instead.

They’ve grown closer this past year, evolving from shouting at each other every five minutes and throwing squirrels in anger, to living in the same house and sharing the responsibilities of raising two children. Honestly it was insane to think about where his life had gone after waking up in that hospital and though he had days of wishing it was all back to the way it had been before, there were the few odd days here and there, where he rather liked things the way they were.

Behind him Michonne laughs, slapping Tyreese on the shoulder playfully and teasing him when the truck swerves a little before straightening. It jolts him from his musings and Rick is pleased to notice the familiar pathways around him as they approach Woodbury.

There’s a huge part of him that’s nervous about going home, about seeing Daryl and meeting his eye, wary of the other man’s reaction to something he was dealing with just fine. However, in contrast to that squirming worry inside, there’s a smile on his face as the doors close behind them and the truck gets unloaded by everyone else, and an excitement and intrigue about getting home flows through him.

Tyreese waves him off when he tries to helps, telling him to go and be distracted somewhere else, hinting that maybe he needed more sleep and to stop worrying so much. Rick smiles at that, grateful to be given the excuse even if worry really wasn’t keeping him distracted right now.

The day has darkened around him as he pushes open the door, shadows creeping up higher and torches and lanterns being lit around their town. Wary of waking Judith if she was already asleep, he closes the door behind himself quietly, glancing around and finding his family in the living area. He can’t help but smile at what he sees and damn if he didn’t wish they had that camera someone had found before.

Carl turns to smile up to him from where he sits on the floor, shuffling some hand made playing cards before dealing them out for himself and Daryl, clearly practising everything Daryl had taught him about poker earlier in the day. Though he’s been dealt a hand, Rick knows that Daryl isn’t playing anymore, since the man is sat on the floor opposite Carl with his back against the couch and chin dropped down to his chest, snoring softly. Judith is curled up on top of Daryl, sucking on her fingers not quite asleep but certainly drowsy as she blinks up at him.

“Hey dad.” Carl whispers, flipping over the cards so he could play himself and figure out the logistics of betting and bluffing, knowing when to fold and when to stick. “Good run?”

“Yeah, got a lot of real good stuff. Found some sports equipment, I think Michonne wants to make a baseball team or something.” He shrugs, running his fingers through his hair and laughing at the thought before moving to perch on the edge of the couch, careful not to disturb Daryl. “You eaten?”

Carl nods, setting the cards out to make a flush and going through the river cards. “Yeah and Judith’s all ready for bed, when she eventually goes to sleep. Daryl was going to put her down but well…” He smirks, gesturing to the quietly snoring man that still held the baby close even in sleep. “Didn’t quite get that far.”

“I can see.” Checking his watch out of habit it still says the same time it’s said for four months, and he knows it’s certainly not three thirty five at the moment. Glancing outside the sun is just dipping beneath the horizon, evening turning to night as those on watch change shifts.

“Daryl left your dinner on the table if you want it, we didn’t know if you’d have already eaten since late.” Carl shrugs in-between flipping over cards and trying to find the winning hand amongst them.

Tapping at the Ace high with his foot Rick apologises easily for not keeping to the schedule for the day. “I know we were meant to get back earlier, but there was so much stuff to bring back, it took longer than expected. You weren’t worried were you?”

“Me? No.” Carl scoffs lightly. “I know you could handle anything that happened, Daryl was the one panicking.”

“Was he now?”

“Yep, kept checking the window every five minutes when I was trying to play poker with him. Not that I minded, he needs to keep his cards closer to his chest.” His son smirks, and in a second Rick can see just how much he’s grown, there’s barely any puppy fat left and he had gotten a lot taller lately too. Maybe it wasn’t do bad that he was learning how to play poker.

“Hey, why don’t you go put Judith down and then you and me can play a few rounds, I’ll teach you what I know though I doubt I’ll be as good as the master cheater here.” Gesturing to Daryl’s unconscious form he shares a smile with Carl, and a laugh when his son lifts Judith from her comfy pillow and Daryl automatically jolts awake to try and keep her close.

“I got her Daryl, don’t worry.” Carl heads upstairs with an almost fully asleep Judith and Rick can’t help but grin at having been left to deal with a half asleep Daryl.

“Hey sleepyhead.” Rick watches as Daryl groans, stretching from his position and managing to slip fully to the floor, lying there for a few moments and trying to wake up properly from his impromptu nap. “Thanks for watching the kids, sorry I’m back so late, took longer than we thought.”

“Trouble?” And though Rick is sure it’s just his mixed up emotions from the day taking their toll, he swear Daryl actually sounds panicked at the thought and it’s strangely heart-warming to hear.

“Nah, just too much stuff and not enough hands.” He holds out his own, covered in dirt and filth from the hard labour of shifting everything back and forth as quickly as possible. Daryl grins from the floor and for a second Rick just watches as the man yawns with an arm draped across his eyes and allowing Rick to just study him without being seen.

This was nice, just being comfortable in each other’s presence and he’s so relieved that there’s none of the awkwardness that he’d been expecting from Daryl. He knew the other man wasn’t exactly good with social interaction and he’d honestly thought he’d come home to an embarrassed note and Carl asking what he’d done to make Daryl leave. Instead here he was sitting on the couch after a hard day with his daughter and son taken care of and the man responsible relaxed as anything on the floor next to him. He’s glad that there’s been no fallout of the kiss yet, and though he’s going to make sure he watches out for anything over the next few days, right now everything feels like it’s just going to carry on as normal.

“There’s food on the table for you, Carl’s a natural at bluffing and Carol wants to know what size clothing we want when they go and raid that clothing place at the end of the week.” Again Daryl yawns, stretching enough that his vest rides up, revealing a pale pink scar webbed across his lower stomach.

Rick knows there’s plenty about Daryl that he doesn’t know and he’s aware that there are some things he may never know about, but damn he wishes he could do something in some way to understand the scars. Standing from his spot on the couch he walks over to stand at Daryl’s feet, holding out his hands to the man below to give him a hand up from the floor. Daryl doesn’t hesitate to reach up and clasp his hand tightly, using Rick’s leverage to hoist himself up from the floor to standing.

He’d been expecting a countdown at least before yanking the other man up, so when Daryl is suddenly standing before him, Rick doesn’t take the step back needed to accommodate the move and ends up closer than they should have been. It’s strange to find that it’s not awkward at all, and Rick really doesn’t know if he should be pleased at this closeness feeling so natural to him. Daryl doesn’t move back either and Rick is able to see the flit of uncertainty cross the other man’s face, settling into a slight frown at the edge of his lips. He’s not sure how long they stay that way, but he’s knows it’s long enough to know that Daryl is stable on his feet. So the hand he presses to the other man’s side over the spot where he knows that scar is, isn’t there for balance, but for something else he doesn’t want to question.

“All right dad, it’s time to show me what you’ve got.”

Carl’s voice breaks whatever had held them in place and in a second Daryl is gone, passing Carl on the stairs and knocking off the boy’s hat playfully before disappearing into his room. The sound of the door closing and Carl’s annoyed squeak snaps him out of whatever the hell he was thinking and he smiles to his son, already kneeling to the floor and shuffling the handmade cards for their game.


	5. Chapter 5

Carl wonders if they think he’s stupid or just innocent. Maybe he’s just a heck of a lot smarter than the pair of them put together, because he figures it all out before they seem to. It’s in the little things they do and it reminds him of those stupid movies he’d used to watch with mom whilst she did the housework. His dad is so obvious about it all and Daryl is just so Daryl about the whole thing that it’s a wonder the whole of Woodbury doesn’t know about it.

The past week has been like watching them play a game that they’re not sure the other is a part of. He knows his dad and he knows Daryl, and though everything is running as smoothly as it does in Woodbury, he can feel whatever the hell this thing is between the two of them. Of course Carl tries his best to help them out, easing the tension where he can and making sure he’s not noticed when he stays around the corner to see what they do when they’re alone.

There’s nothing to report and really he’s not sure what else there is he can do to try and help. Everything’s been fine in other areas, Daryl and his dad still laugh and joke, his dad running the town and thanking Daryl for taking care of him and Judith whilst he was busy. Daryl still plays video games with him, badly, and makes Judith laugh by blowing raspberries on her tummy after changing her. Honestly if you didn’t know the two of them as well as he did, you might not even notice it at all.

Of course he could see it plain as day and by now he was betting Judith probably had a grasp of what was going on too.

He’s watched as his dad did the little things Carl knows means he cares, asking Daryl questions about hunting, checking that the other man has eaten his fair share of food and isn’t running himself ragged looking after them. There were times when he’d see his dad deliberately move to be close to Daryl, like the other day when Daryl had been cooking and his dad had gone to get the pepper from the top shelf, leaning over the other man and pressing his hand over his side again. They think Carl doesn’t notice these things. They think he doesn’t remember that no one likes pepper.

His dad has always been affectionate with his touches, even with Shane and his friends he liked to pat shoulders, lean on them when standing and he always knew when he and Shane were planning something by how they’d lean in close and speak in hushed voices. Everything his dad is doing with Daryl shows him what he already knows and he’s amazed that Daryl still seems so confused by it all.

It’s in the way his dad will reach out to straighten a crease in Daryl’s shirt even though no one gives a shit. He can see it when his dad will stand closer and play with Judith even when she’s held in Daryl’s arms. It’s like he’s trying to make excuses to be near the other man and it’s driving Carl crazy that they think he can’t see it and doesn’t know what’s going on when it’s so obvious.

Daryl’s not so good at the whole touch thing, but ever since Carl’s known him he’s been pretty distant about that. He recalls seeing him flinch at loud noises and the way he’d always sleep a little away from the group when everything started. Carl knew that Daryl was someone who liked his space, he’d even seen him get startled when Carl himself had yanked at his arm to get his attention, as if worried about being touched at all.

It was something he was so used to that watching how Daryl doesn’t do more than stay still every time his dad goes near makes it stick out even more. There’s no flinching anymore, well apart from a couple of times, and he swears he’d even seen Daryl lean a little into one of his dad’s shoulder pats before. He sees how Daryl will linger closer to his dad and choose to sit beside him where possible and though Carl knows the little things his dad does to show he cares, over the past week he’s learnt what Daryl does too.

He watches as Daryl plats their dinners and gives Rick the biggest portion and he knows it’s not only because he was an adult either, Daryl was always going on about how Carl needed more since he was a growing boy. Sometimes he’d watch as Daryl seemed to be able to read his dad without saying a word, taking Judith when she wouldn’t settle and his dad was getting frustrated or going with him on runs when his dad was nervous about it. Daryl would tell the council to get lost when his dad was tired and take him and Judith for a walk to give him time alone.

It was so damned obvious and yet they kept dodging around each other and never doing anything more than giving small touches and smiles. Honestly he’s had enough and it’s today that he’s decided to do something about it. When his dad had taken Judith to go plant some seeds in their new vegetable patch he’d gone outside to find Daryl working on Merle’s bike and promptly climbed to rest on the seat, catching the man’s attention immediately.

“You like my dad.”

Daryl looks up at him through a few strands of messy hair, kneeling on the ground with that red rag in his hand and shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah, course I do, look after you two brats for him don’t I?”

Sighing in frustration he tries to make himself clear, tapping his foot against the side of the bike. “Not like that. I mean you like like him.”

Again Daryl looks at him and though he stays quiet for a moment, Carl can see a glimmer of unease rolls through his shoulders. When Daryl does open his mouth to speak he licks at his lips nervously, keeping his voice low as he replies. “Ain’t like that.”

“Yes it is.” He won’t be deterred from this, he knows the truth and he’s not going to sit there and watch them be blind forever. He’s sick of being the only one that’s smart enough to know about it. “You like him, I know you do.”

“Carl…” Daryl can’t look at him now, shifting from where he kneels to stand up, fidgeting and shifting his weight from foot to foot as he tries to find the words.

“It’s okay you know.” He interrupts before Daryl can try and explain away everything he’s seen, or just flat out deny it all. Shrugging a little he tries to remain relaxed, knowing that Daryl doesn’t like arguments and he really didn’t want to upset him. “I don’t mind or anything.”

When Daryl continues his voice is quieter, not exactly calm but more level, as if he’s trying too hard to hide himself behind them. “Your dad loved your mom Carl.”

He nods, reaching up to pick at the handlebars of the bike, feeling the warm leather grips and picking at a loose thread there. Daryl doesn’t want to look at him then fine, he wasn’t going to make him. “I know. And she loved him too.” Taking a breath he remembers every time his mom had been with his dad, dancing at parties and then steering his drunken dad to bed at the end of the evening. He’ll never forget the memories, but that’s what they were now. “But my mom is dead Daryl.”

The other man is quiet, picking at his nails and Carl can practically count down the seconds until he’s chewing at his thumb. He knows Daryl doesn’t like talking much about this sort of thing, but waiting wasn’t working and he knew his dad wasn’t going to take the first step.

Tugging at the loose thread he waist patiently, wanting to let Daryl have his time to think and just hoping the other man wouldn’t walk away. Least he knew he couldn’t drive away since he was still on his bike. Eventually Daryl moves, shifting his weight until he’s on the bike behind Carl, using his longer legs to hold the bike steady as Carl held the handlebars properly. He spends a few moments turning it this way and that, just holding off from making childish motorbike noises when Daryl finally replies. “Ain’t that easy.”

“I know.” He nods, and he does know that it’s not easy. Nothing is easy anymore but it doesn’t mean they don’t try anyway. “I know my dad still loves my mom and he misses her too, but you like like my dad now.” Carl continues, trying to get through to Daryl anyway.

“Look Carl you don’t understand it’s more complicated than tha-“

“He likes you back.” He cuts him off, not caring that it was complicated or one of the hundreds of excuses people gave kids for anything they didn’t want to explain. “If that’s what you’re worried about. He likes you back. I know he does. It’s obvious.”

Carl sits before Daryl on the bike a waits, not turning to look at the other man but knowing he’s tense just from the air around them and the way Daryl shifts. He can hear as he chews on his nail, teeth clacking together and slipping a little in a habit that is just so purely Daryl. He almost misses when Daryl speaks again but lets out a small sigh of relief at hearing him anyway. “It is?”

“Well to me anyway, I know what my dad’s like when he likes people and he’s like that around you.” He shrugs, picking at the leather again and ignoring when Daryl’s hand reaches out to bat at him to stop. Instead he continues, wanting to make sure that Daryl wasn’t as unsure as he was before all of this. “You act like he does too sometimes, it’s how I knew you like like him.”

Daryl stays silent and Carl lets him, caring on talking and hoping his words would help. It was the best he could do after all, just try to get Daryl to see what he sees and stop him from worrying so much.

“It’s okay you know. To like someone like that, even if you are both boys. No one’s going to care anyway, no one cares about stuff like that since the walkers happened. I don’t mind. I don’t mind if you like my dad and I don’t mind if he likes you back.” Midway through talking Daryl’s head thumps onto his back, the older man pressing his forehead between Carl’s shoulder blades and just resting there for a moment as Carl talks. He wonders if maybe he’s pushed too far but Daryl would have just walked away or told him to shut up if he had, so he continues, hoping he’s not going to be the cause of Daryl doing something stupid like moving out.

“You like my dad and you like me and Judith so it’s fine for you to like him like that. Even if you don’t think it is.” He nods, sure of himself and sure of that fact. Daryl was weird about some stuff, like taking his shirt off even though Carl knew about the scars, maybe this was one of those things that made him go quiet. Shifting a little to glance back over his shoulder he reaches back to pat at Daryl’s hand where it rest on the other man’s thigh. It’s a small thing, but Daryl doesn’t pull away from where his head is still pressed against Carl’s back.

“I ain’t sure about it is all Carl.”

“That’s fine.” He nods, understanding about not being sure, but glad that Daryl at least listened to him. “Dad’s not going anywhere and neither are you, so you can be not sure for however long you want until you are sure. No one’s going anywhere.”

“How’d you know I’m not going anywhere?”

Carl doesn’t know how to explain that he just knows Daryl isn’t going anywhere. That unlike everywhere else they’ve been this actually feels permanent. This place and this situation feels like home and he’s not willing to let anything happen to it if he can help it. Instead he simply leans back a little, a kind of sort of not really hug being offered since Daryl won’t move out from behind him. “Because even if you did my dad would go get you. He does whatever he has to do to find his family.”


	6. Chapter 6

It’s early. Far too early and the sun has barely risen yet here he is, awake and sitting at the table like a man looking for answers and hoping they’d appear at the bottom of the cereal box. He’s not really that hungry but he continues to eat the dry and slightly stale cereal straight from the box, not caring that usually he scolds Carl for doing much the same. Right now he’s just a little lost in himself and his wants and at least eating cereal gave his sore thumb a reprieve from where he’s chewed on it until it bled last night.

The whole week had been a pretty difficult ride for him and just when he thought he was doing well in making small steps towards maybe something between he and Rick, Carl had decided it hadn’t been fast enough for his liking. That had complicated things a little. Well okay a lot.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He huffs, scowling a little at Judith as she chews on her bottle teat, dribbling milk down her chin and watching him from across the table in a way he just knows is accusing. She knows. If she didn’t know before then he’s certain that Carl would have told her anyway. A part of him knows it’s ridiculous to think someone under a year old could be judging him, but it’s too early for him to care right now.

Sleep hadn’t happened last night, not after Carl’s intervention had shaken him up so easily. It had been one thing to like like Rick on his own and keep it to himself, but knowing that Rick like liked him back was a completely different situation. Dammit now he was starting to sound like the kid. Judith burps from her highchair and giggles afterwards before going back to her bottle, watching as he shovelled more cereal into his mouth to try and stop this stupid feeling in his stomach.

“This isn’t funny. I’m really fucking lost about all of this.” He sighs, leaning forward on the tabletop and watching her as she continues to drink. The cereal doesn’t help so he abandons the box to the side, feeling on edge and unsure of exactly what the next step should be. “Don’t tell your dad I swore in front of you.”

Rick had been on his mind the whole night long and no matter how many times he tried to think about anything else, all he could focus on was worrying about this entire situation. It was all so new to him already and really they’d barely even done anything, they weren’t even in a relationship yet and he was already feeling as if he was drowning. Letting his head flop to the tabletop he lets out a groan, trying to vocalise exactly how he was feeling.

Things had been fine and comfortable, he didn’t mind having Rick be close every so often and sometimes when the kids were in bed he’d even sometimes think about maybe something else happening. It was terrifying and exciting all at once, making him both want to jump in with both feet and hide in his room and never leave. When Judith coughs he looks up, watching her closely and ready to jump to her aid if she needed him. When she settles back to her bottle he sighs again, picking at the tabletop and not caring when his thumb smears some drying blood onto it.

“It ain’t my fault.” He tells her, keeping his voice quiet so not to disturb anyone still sleeping and maybe because saying it any louder makes it feel too real. “I never asked for this, it ain’t like I planned for any of this to happen.” Honestly he never planned to get close to anyone, the real original plan hadn’t even been to stay with the group, let alone become a part of it. Now here he was at four in the morning tending to the baby of the man he’d followed when everything went to shit.

Getting up he goes over to her, trying to smile reassuringly when she looks up to him. Daryl knows she can’t understand, but it just feels easier to get this all said out loud. As if maybe his mind could sort things out easier if it heard it all. “Not that I don’t love living here with you Lil Asskicker, or Carl or your dad.” Especially your dad. “It’s great it really is, I just don’t exactly know what I’m doing anymore.” He shrugs, moping at the milk  that she’d managed to dribble down her chin and giving a small sigh.

“I know how to look after you and Carl and how to make sure your dad doesn’t work until he collapses. I know how to hunt and make sure you all eat, I can kill any walkers that so much as look at you funny and I can teach you how to cheat at poker, but I’m not sure I can do this.” He’s never liked admitting his faults, even to himself, but when it came to relationships and interacting with other people, he knew he lacked any kind of ability. It had taken so long just to get this comfortable with Rick and the group, and now it all felt so natural and comfortable, he was terrified of losing that.

When Judith is done with her bottle he lifts her up, letting her flop against his shoulder and the towel he’d put there to burp her. She doesn’t need much help anymore since she can sit up properly now, but he still found it soothing to pace back and forth with her sometimes. She doesn’t mind that he’s lost and Judith doesn’t mind if he’s unsure and lost, so long as he fed and changed her, she seemed to think he was pretty decent. She snuffles in his ear and after a glance at the stairs he tells her what he’s never told anyone. “I ain’t never been with no one before.”

For what it’s worth, she doesn’t seem to care. To Judith he was capable of looking after her needs and he supposed really this shouldn’t make as big a deal as he thinks it does. There’d just never been anybody he’d felt that comfortable with before and even now, after so many years, it was kind of daunting. “I ain’t so good with people anyway and I don’t want to ruin all of this just because I’m no good at doing something new.” He mutters, letting her burble and chew on her own fist.

“It don’t matter if your daddy likes me back and if I like him when I’ve got no idea what I’m doing.” Because he knew he was good at making mistakes and making mistakes pissed people off and in some cases could get you killed. Not that he thought Rick would throw him to the walkers for not knowing some things, but still, he was used to mistakes not being tolerated. “I like things the way they are between us and even if sometimes I think about other things happening, I just don’t know if it would work. I don’t want to break the only home I’ve ever had Lil Asskicker.”

Judith gives a small burp before wriggling in his arms, not sleepy at all and clearly not going to allow him to go back to bed and stare at the way thinking all this over and over to himself. Daryl’s kind of grateful for that. Sitting on the couch he sets her on his lap, bouncing her on his knee a little and letting her grip his fingers as she giggles.

“’s all Rick’s fault anyway, he’s the one that kissed me first.” He huffs, scowling at the memory and letting the frustration of the situation be directed at the other man for a moment. It’s not exactly fair but hey, Rick could take the blame for a moment, especially when he knew the other man would not be pleased he hadn’t slept the night before he went on a run.

Judith gurgles when he stills his legs and tries to push herself up, moving to use his chest as a brace and push herself to her feet. She’s wobbly so he steadies her as she smiles to him, dribbling down her own chin and onto his shirt with triumph. He’s proud of her and lets her stand there as long as she wants, even if she grabs at his face to hold herself steady when she attempts a step to the side. Pulling himself free he sits beside her as she moves, slowly creeping across the couch with unsteady feet before falling to her rear.

“Wouldn’t mind if he did it again though.”

Judith looks to him with a whine and he helps her back up, giving a shrug and helping her get back on her feet, holding her hands and letting her pull herself up with her own strength.

“Well I didn’t exactly mind it all right?”

She babbles at him nonsensically and ends up dropping herself face first onto a pillow, chewing at the fabric with what Daryl supposes is meant to be some sort of attack noise. Rubbing at the back of his head he feels stupid explaining it to her when she’s not interested, but it was helping the feeling in his stomach settle down.  “It felt good okay? It wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be, it just felt normal, like something that happened every day.” Like it was meant to happen. “But your daddy ain’t done it since, so maybe it was weird for him.” He muses, moving to help Judith when she decides the floor is a better place than the couch.

Maybe Rick hadn’t realised what he’d done at all? And he was just carrying on their lives the way it had been before and Daryl was just imagining what he wanted to happen. But Carl knew his father better than anyone and Daryl trusted the kid not to play with something like this. Not with what happened to his mom. Not with how serious a possible development could be and the affect it would have on all their lives. So if Rick did realise then why hadn’t he kissed him since?

God this was all so mucked up. In a world where he had to stab undead humans in the head to survive he was busy fretting about kissing someone he wanted to be with. Maybe Glenn and Maggie had had the right idea, fucking on the first date and then letting it grow from there. But that just wouldn’t work for him and Rick, things were already just so great the way they were, almost natural for them to be heading this way.

Sliding to sit on the floor he watches Judith play with the few toys she has, mouthing at each one and occasionally crawling over to give him one. “I mean I don’t want him doing anything he doesn’t want to, but if he likes me back and knows I’m the same he might want to do other stuff that might not feel as normal as the kiss did. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.” He admits, sighing and lifting his thumb to chew on before feeling the sting of where he’d made it bleed. “I don’t know what I’d do if I ruined this for all of us.”

Because he knows this is something that would affect all of them. It may be him and Rick involved in this choice, but Carl and Judith would clearly be affected by it if he screwed it all up. He doesn’t know who’d look after the kids if he wasn’t here, or if Judith would stop fussing at dinner, or if Carl would continue to get better at poker and beat that level on the damned video game they kept getting stuck on. He didn’t want to be out of all of their lives just because he managed to fuck everything up.

Rick would never kick him out, the man is far too nice, but Daryl doesn’t know if he could spend everyday seeing his face and knowing what he’d lost. He’d have to move out but where would he go? Things were working out perfectly here and if he lost that, he’d be so unsure of what to do next. Sometimes he wishes that Rick had never kissed him at all and that these feelings hadn’t had a chance to develop. Sometimes he wishes those feelings hadn’t been there to begin with.

Mostly he wishes he had the guts to explain this all to Rick.

Judith crawls over to gnaw at his fist, burbling and looking up at him with bright blue eyes full of trust and adoration. He feels as if he’s not worthy of it right now and strokes her hair until it’s sticking up with a sigh. “Yes I know Merle would be calling me a pussy right now.”

He watches as she tries to stand again, babbling to him and squealing. The girl has got guts he’ll give her that, even when she falls to he rear again and again she just keeps getting back up. “Don’t tell your dad I said that either.”

“Don’t tell me you said what?”

Daryl jumps at Rick’s voice from the stairway, wondering exactly how long the other man had been there and how much he’d heard. Hopefully not too much and Daryl can’t exactly help it when he responds a little too quickly for it to be true. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

Rick just grins to him, moving to sit on the floor beside him and tickle at his daughter’s stomach. Judith moves to play with the new visitor, squealing and babbling in what Daryl supposes is probably excitement. When Rick talks his attention is still focussed on the baby, but Daryl knows he’s listening closely to his answers. “What’re you doing up? You’re going on a run tomorrow, you should be sleeping.”

Shrugging a little he knows Rick feels it more than sees it and is glad he’s not being watched for an answer right now. He doesn’t know if he could lie directly to Rick’s face. “Asskicker was hungry, didn’t want to disturb you.” It’s mostly the truth anyway, and besides Rick always did so much he needed the rest.

The other man sighs, bouncing his daughter on his lap and Daryl can hear the slight tone of exasperation when he speaks again. He hates that he’s the cause of it. “Daryl she’s my daughter, you don’t have to do everything for her.” He knows that, but talking to someone who couldn’t judge him had helped somewhat. “We’re a team, and on the night before a run you know you need your sleep.”

A team. The two of them were a team and Rick cared about him getting his rest. It was something that was so normal for both of them, looking out for the other and doing the chores and tasks the other couldn’t do at the moment. Honestly he hadn’t even thought twice about getting up when he’d heard Judith whining. “It’s fine, I wasn’t sleeping anyway.” He explains, poking at Judith nose when she starts crawling between their laps.

“How come? Something bothering you?” Rick asks and fuck a part of him just wants to let everything out and explain exactly why he’s spent all night staring at the wall and trying to ignore thoughts of them playing happy families together.

 “No, just nervous about the run tomorrow.” He lies and when Rick turns to look at him, he knows Rick knows he’s lying. In a habit he can’t break his thumb drifts to his mouth and it’s not until his teeth press to his flesh he remembers how badly he’d chewed it up earlier. Moving his hand back down he pokes at Judith’s nose and lets her try to catch his fingers.

“You sure? You know you can tell me right?”

“Yeah. I know.” And he does know, he knows he could trust Rick with anything, but this just feels too much to deal with right now. So instead he gives as calm a smile as he can and passes over Judith to her father, ignoring how right the motion feels. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Here you take Lil Asskicker and I’ll go get some sleep.”

As he stands to head back up the stairs Rick grabs him, snarling his fingers in the back of Daryl’s shirt and though he doesn’t tug and Daryl knows he could easily get free with no effort, he pauses and meets the man’s eyes. Rick looks worried and damn Daryl hates that he’s the one that made him look like that. “Daryl are you sure you’re okay?” Rick sounds so caring, so worried about him that it feels awful to just lie straight to his face.

So Daryl pauses, and watches as Judith pulls herself to her feet again using Rick’s chest for support. She shows no fear, no insecurity of the unknown and just has a determination that she was going to get what she wanted no matter what. He shouldn’t be jealous of someone who couldn’t even wipe their own ass. Rick is watching him still, ignorant of his daughter’s trials and attempts to stand against him since he’s so distracted by Daryl. He supposes he should be flattered, but when Judith looks up to him with a gum filled grin he just feels a surge of determination not to fuck this up for them all and to show as much confidence as she did with her shaky steps, even if he was scared of the after effects that would follow.

Leaning down he presses a chaste kiss to Rick’s lips before heading back upstairs to ignore the fluttering in his stomach and hopefully get some much-needed sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

“I like having Daryl live with us.”

Turning from the screen for a second Rick watches as Carl continues playing the video game, not even glancing to his father and focussing on their characters bouncing around the screen. It’s getting late, Daryl should have been back from the run by now and Carl had suggested they play together to keep their minds off of it. His son had reassured him that Daryl would be fine and even laughed off that Daryl was probably too busy showing off in front of the new people he’d taken with him to keep an eye on the time.

Still it’s late and the worry in his gut keeps churning with every minute that passes, with the sun full set he can’t help but keep checking on the gates out the window, hoping to see those on watch signalling the approach of a vehicle. Not that he wouldn’t hear it first anyway, the world was so quiet now that you could hear a pin drop, so a vehicle returning from a run was easy to notice.

Rick had done his best to stop worrying about it all. If there was anyone who was more than capable of looking after themselves, it was Daryl; the man had a knack for getting out of seemingly hopeless situations just fine. He wishes he’d never let the man leave this morning when it was obvious he was still tired and distracted, never good things to be on a run for supplies.

Trying to keep his mind on the here and now he smiles to Carl, turning back to the screen after checking that Judith was happy in her car seat, watching the bright colours on the screen. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carl nods, fingers moving quickly over the controls as if he’d been doing this for years, as if the skill had never left him in between leaving home and finding this place. “But what are we going to do about Judith?”

Frowning a little Rick checks on his daughter, she seems happy enough chewing on her blanket, gurgling on her own drool and wriggling with a squeal when something happens on screen. He has no idea what Carl is talking about; if anything things had been easier with Judith since Daryl moved in, so why would there suddenly be a problem about it now?

Carl pauses the game, turning to look at him with a roll of his eyes and a sigh that seems to be known by every teenager when their parents just don’t understand them. “What I mean is, when she’s older and doesn’t fit in the crib, she’s going to need her own bedroom and we only have three here.”

It’s wonderful to hear Carl talk about the future, and to sound so certain that they all had one despite everything that had happened. Letting the controller drop the floor, Rick lets all his attention fall on his son, loving him more than ever. “You been thinking about stuff like that huh?”

“Well duh.” Carl shrugs, starting up the game again and ignoring as his dad’s character continually dies whilst his gains more and more points. “We’re not going anywhere, Woodbury is getting bigger and stronger everyday, the walkers are getting weaker too. I think we’re going to be here for a long time.”

Nodding Rick can’t stop the smile; rubbing at the stubble on his chin he glances around their house, a mix of things all brought together. None of it matches, a lot of it is weapons at the ready just in case, but it works in a clash of usefulness and items picked out because they’d wanted them. They had that luxury now of having things that weren’t essential and of finding items and not having to guess the weight and see if it was worth carrying it around. Of course they were always still prepared, it never hurt to have a plan in case everything went south, but honestly Woodbury was safe now.

“I think so too.” He agrees, and he cannot help but compare everything to before the outbreak. When Lori and he had bought their home, it had been a day of excitement and working it all out between them as they figured out how to be responsible adults. Every second of it had been wonderful if stressful and when Carl had arrived things were just more hectic and the moments of laughter were enjoyed even more. Now here he was years down the line with a new baby, a son who was making him so proud and Daryl.

He still wasn’t exactly sure what Daryl was to him yet, but Rick knew he was something and for the moment that was enough to secure the other man’s place in their family’s future.

“So anyway, when Judith gets older she’s going to need her own room and as much as I like Daryl, he’s not sharing with me.” Carl continues, bringing Rick back to their conversation and he swears he can see a smirk on his son’s face when he speaks. “Besides I’ve only got a single bed.”

In that moment he knows Carl knows. It wasn’t that he’d been hiding everything from Carl; he just hadn’t exactly been sure how to broach the topic with him. Christ they hadn’t had the talk yet, and he certainly wasn’t sure how to bring up his own love life with his son.

Carl doesn’t seem angry by it, or upset or any of the emotions that Rick had thought he would show about it all. In fact he seems pretty calm, possibly calmer than Rick himself was about it all. The way Carl was talking and acting was as if this was all just normal. And maybe in the world before Rick would have laughed at that, but thinking about it now, he realises that in this world they live in, normal wasn’t what it used to be before. So maybe Carl was more than okay for this sort of relationship between himself and Daryl, and maybe this was Carl’s awkward way of giving his blessing.

A part of him wants to reassure Carl that he hasn’t forgotten Lori, and tell him that he spends every day thinking of her and wishing he could change everything that happened between them in the last few months before her death. He always wants to find a way to explain that Daryl has somehow helped with the pain that Lori’s death had left behind and though no one could ever fill the gap in his life from Lori’s absence, Daryl had somehow made his own place in Rick’s life. It’s not as if he’d meant for it to happen, but it seemed everything had just fallen into place without him noticing until he couldn’t think of a day without Daryl by his side.

But of all the things he thinks he should say to his son, instead he simply shrugs and watches the screen, quietly keeping Carl in his sight from the corner of his eye to see his reaction. “Guess he’ll have to move into my room then.” Rick offers up a solution, one he has to admit that he wouldn’t mind and one that felt like it just made sense. “You think he’ll mind having to share a bed with me?”

“Nah, you don’t snore.” Carl shakes his head and Rick wonders if he should be shocked at how much his son had grown up. From being grossed out at the thought of kissing at all to helping his dad get another man to move into his bed. “He won’t mind. You should tell him though. Make some plans for the future.” His son sounds so confident with his words, and Rick has to wonder if maybe he’s the last one to know of these plans.

It’s childish but he wants to know how Carl knows all of this, had he been that obvious with his affection towards Daryl? He wonders if Carl had spoken to the other man about it to be this calm about the situation, or if maybe Daryl had been the one to broach the subject with Carl. No, he knows that’s not what happened, he knows that Daryl doesn’t do well with that sort of conversation.

This was all well and good speaking about the future, but Judith wouldn’t need her own room for a while yet and Rick isn’t sure if he’s willing to wait that long. Whatever it was between himself and Daryl had been validated last night when Daryl had kissed him before going to bed, taking a step closer to an actual relationship between the two of them. It had been all that he needed to know that he wasn’t imagining this, and that Daryl was just as unsure yet ready as he was for it.

But if Carl is only happy for Daryl to move into his room in the future, maybe his son isn’t ready for him to move on from Lori quite yet. Rick lets Carl continue playing the video game as he continues speaking, but makes sure to listen carefully to his answer. “What if I tell him and Daryl wants to move into my room now?”

“That’s okay, I think he’d like that anyway.” And Rick lets out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. So long as Carl was ready and Daryl was ready then so was he. “Would you?”

The question catches him off guard as does Carl pausing the game to look at him, unsure and Rick wonders if this is not only a conversation for him to understand where Carl stands, but maybe for Carl to know where he stands too. The situation is difficult for the both of them in different ways and Rick supposes he can understand that no matter how different the world is now, change is always hard to adapt to, even if it is wanted. “Yeah.” He nods. “Yeah I think I would.”

“Cool.” And that’s that, Carl is grinning, as if he’s answered a question that Rick had never heard before. It’s strange to be having this talk with his son, but he’s glad that he’s at least talking to someone about something that’s been on his mind constantly. Every time he tried to get some help from anyone else he’d chickened out. “You should tell him when he gets home tonight.” Carl nudges at his side before turning back to his game, looking smug, as if everything had fallen into place as he’d planned.

Rick once again wonders if this is a plan that’s been in motion for a while and he was the last to know. “Okay. If you’re sure?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll make you both happy and stop Daryl from feeling so lonely. He needs to feel like a part of the family since he’s going to stay here with us. Don’t you think?”

He smiles at that, giving a nod and watching as Judith seems to squeal in agreement to their conversation. He wonders if his children have been conspiring against him this whole time, plotting and scheming together to convince him that this was a good idea. “I think that’s a good idea Carl.” He agrees, glancing out the window one more time to see if there was any sign of Daryl’s return.

There’s lights approaching, he can see them lighting up the path towards the gates and in a second he’s on his feet, heading for the window to check he’s not seeing things. The movement outside proves he’s not and whatever panic had been lifted by Carl’s questions suddenly rushes back when the jeep crawls in through the gates with blood spatters reflecting in the low lighting of their town. He knew runs were dangerous, leaving the town at all was dangerous but something they had to do every so often, it didn’t mean he didn’t hate it every time. Yanking on his boots and checking his holster he’s heading towards the door, pointing to where Carl is now standing over Judith, ready for whatever situation was about to happen.

“Stay here.” He doesn’t want Carl out there if something had happened, it’s better if he has to give bad news himself instead of him hearing it from another. Closing the door behind himself he jogs over quickly, finding Carol and Michonne already helping people out of the jeep and getting them over to the infirmary to be checked over. There’s injuries, the jeep is damaged and though he can see they’ve got supplies from the run, there’s one thing he can’t see that he’s desperate to know is safe.

“Walkers.” One of the injured tells them, coughing and holding her side from a deep cut. “We got cut off the main road by a herd, tried to loop around, but there were so many we had to draw them away on foot first. We lost people, they got bit, I didn’t even see what happened to Max, but he’s gone.”

“Where’s Daryl?” Rick knows he should be asking other things, like how many had they lost, was anyone here bitten, was the herd coming their way and did they need to prepare to take it down, but all he can think of is Daryl out there, alone and dead. “Where is he? Was he-“

“’m fine.” Comes a voice to his side and Rick had never been more relieved in his life to see Daryl stumbling around the front of the jeep. He’s bruised and battered, clearly exhausted, with blood down one side of his face from a nasty wound and his cross bow hanging from his grip. There are no bolts left and Rick knows just how bad it must have been if Daryl hadn’t been able to retrieve any. “I ain’t bit.”

Rick’s not exactly sure how he got there, but next thing he knows he’s wrapped around Daryl, arms around his shoulders and feeling the crossbow drop to their feet. Daryl slumps in his grip, resting against him as Rick just holds him, feeling his weight and warmth, how real and alive he was. He knows he should care about what happened, but all he can think of doing is getting Daryl home and safe, where he can tend to his wounds and reassure himself that the other man was really all right.

Everyone else is gone, the jeep still filled with supplies and people were returning to their watch when Daryl clings back to him with a heavy sigh. Rick doesn’t care about checking on anyone else, or getting a report about those they’d lost. It’s awful and no one’s life should mean more than anyone else’s, but right now he can’t stop being grateful that Daryl came back to him.

He leads the wounded man home, carrying his crossbow for him, and fending off Carl’s questions when they get in the door. Taking the time to place the weapons away, somewhere high that Judith couldn’t get them, he allows Carl the time to get his own reassurance that Daryl was alive and home, before suggesting they all get some sleep.

When they head up the stairs, Carl putting Judith to bed before heading to his own room, Rick reaches out to take Daryl’s hand and lead him away from the box room and instead towards the master bedroom he’d claimed for his own. If Daryl was confused he didn’t say a word and just followed, quiet and willing to do whatever Rick wanted.

“’s my fault. I tried to get them all back but there were too many of them.” Daryl mumbles and it’s a testament to how awful this world is that there’s no tears any more. The guilt will never go away, but death doesn’t affect any of them as it used to. “Lost two people today Rick.”

Rick pushes Daryl to sit on the edge of the bed, moving to grab their first aid supplies and a damp cloth to begin mopping at Daryl’s wound. He doesn’t know if words would help, there’s nothing he can say to make this better, it’s just the world they live in now. Daryl will not listen if he insists it’s not his fault, he’ll blame himself for this no matter what, and though Rick knows it couldn’t be helped, he also knows how those words feel.

Carefully he cleans the head wound, wiping away the caked on blood and watching the guilt and upset cross Daryl’s face. He knows how he feels. He’s been there before, but in this world, you couldn’t save everyone. It hurts, but it’s the truth. Setting aside the cloth he knows he should dress the wound, instead he cups Daryl’s face and kisses him softly, bringing them close and pressing their foreheads together when their lips part. “But I didn’t lose you.”

Daryl closes his eyes and Rick can feel the shudders run through his body, exhaustion and guilt climaxing at the end of a long day and leaving the other man open and raw. He kisses him again, harder this time, enough for Daryl to really feel it and know how he feels. “I didn’t lose you and that’s what matters.” Rick whispers, kissing him again and again, moving them to lay on the bed together, arms wrapped about each other and sharing kisses long into the night, wounds brushed aside for the moment.

The night is long for the both of them, excitement and nerves making them both tremble but the exhaustion and stress of the day not allowing them to stay awake. Rick can feel Daryl’s nerves as well as his own, both of them know this is the point of no return and both push past it with more shared kisses and words of comfort. “I’m not going to lose you.” Rick mutters into Daryl’s shoulder when they settle to sleep, Daryl pressed into Rick’s side and feeling as if he was always meant to be there.

The day has been long and stressful, their lives will never be the same but in the moment of lying there with Daryl in his arms and his children safe in their sleep, Rick thinks that maybe, just maybe the future wasn’t looking quite so bad.


	8. Chapter 8

Daryl is used to waking up in pain, having bruises covering his body and pulling at his sides was nothing new to him but it didn’t make the experience any nicer. Groaning to himself he’s not sure whether curling up tighter or stretching out would be best at the moment, so instead he simply stays where he is, aching and blearily blinking himself awake. It’s weird to wake up somewhere he wasn’t used to and not panic, but there’s a hand on his arm, stroking over his skin softly and that helps him stay grounded and remember what happened yesterday.

Death. Death is what had happened yesterday and it had been because of him. He hadn’t been fast enough or loud enough to draw the walkers away and because of him they’d lost Max and Diane, walkers dragging them down through the storm or bullets and ripping them apart. It’s awful to be relieved that they won’t be returning as walkers themselves, not when the alternative was to be so thoroughly destroyed that it wasn’t possible, but Daryl finds himself grateful anyway, no matter how sick that was.

“Stop it.”

Wrinkling his nose he glances up to where Rick is watching him, lying back against the pillows with his hair mussed up completely. If it were in his vocabulary he’d say he looked cute, but as it was he just thought Rick looked perfect. Grunting in reply he buries himself down further, letting himself try to relax around the pain and enjoy the larger bed, having the extra space to move his feet and sprawl about. It doesn’t hurt that when he shifts there’s another body to press against, someone warm and there with no intent to hurt or mock.

He doesn’t know how long Rick has been awake and watching him, but instead of feeling violated, it just makes him feel safe. It’s strange, but not an unwanted sensation to be sharing a bed with Rick, to be awoken with smiles and fingers combing through his hair. His head still hurts, aching from the injury of yesterday but he daren’t shift in case Rick stopped touching him.

“I mean it.” Rick continues, rolling over onto his stomach to be close, to enter his personal space and make him feel cramped in the best way possible. Daryl lets him, not even flinching when Rick leans in to kiss at his cheek softly. “I know you’re blaming yourself for what happened and you need to stop it. It’s not your fault.”

He’s not surprised that Rick knew what he was going through, the man had probably spent months with guilt churning in his stomach over their groups losses, from Shane to Lori he knows Rick thought of them all every day. It doesn’t help the guilt and all he can think of if the way he’d taken charge of their little party and tried to distract the walkers with his own ass. “I could have done something.” He shrugs, hissing a little as his injuries ache with the movement.

Rick’s hand continues stroking over his arms before moving to run over his cheek, meeting his eyes when he speaks, calm and strong as always. “You saved three other people Daryl.” Daryl knows that and he’s sure that their friends and family would be grateful but Max and Diane were still gone. “I almost stopped you from going, if I had we might not have had anyone return.”

“Don’t change what happened.” He mutters, hating that Rick was trying to take some of the blame on himself, trying to share the weight from his shoulders. It wasn’t his cross to bear.

“No it doesn’t, but nothing we do now will change it.” Rick moves over him, kissing him softly, moving to cup his cheek and run his thumb over his cheekbone. It makes him blush at the action, not used to this closeness and kindness. “I know it’s awful to lose people, but you can’t lose yourself in guilt, we need you to stay strong Daryl. For us.”

And that was the reason he’d fought so hard to get back wasn’t it. In the midst of all the chaos he’d thought of Carl, Lil Asskicker and most of all Rick. Whilst others were dying he’d thought of them all, his family waiting for him and having to hear the news of his death from someone else’s lips. It had hurt to tear himself away from the fight, to give up on the already bitten and have to leave them to die in agony without the kinder option of a single bullet. But he’d thought of Rick and the kids and though at the time he’d thought it was selfish to do such a thing, he’d brought himself and the others home, with no bodies to honour.

He hated having to make those kinds of choices and even though he knows there was nothing he could have done to save them, they were already bit and caught by the herd, it didn’t stop him from wishing he’d tried. Rick kisses him again, chaste and light to draw him from his thoughts, grounding him in the here and now with him.

It hurt, but in the world they lived in now there was no use living in the past. If anyone could understand that it was Rick, he’d almost lost their entire group because of his grief over Lori and reluctance to let her go and deal with the present. He couldn’t change the past; only try his best for the future.

“You’d all be lost without me.” He mumbles before pressing against Rick, kissing him hard, using the action as an end to the discussion and an end to him dwelling on the subject. He had something to think about here and now, no matter how unsure he was of it all and it needed all of his attention.

Rick smiles tightly, not judging him and not relieved the conversation was over, but glad that Daryl was able to see past it. Sometimes it helped to be given a push in the right direction. “Yes we would, so come on, get up and be strong for us today.” The other man rolls off of him and out of the bed, all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the mornings like Daryl could never hope to be.

Standing himself he takes his time to not cause any more pain from his injuries, feeling the dressing on his head tug on his hair annoyingly. It reminds him of the bullet wound from Andrea all that time ago and he was just as grateful for surviving this round too. Rick dresses quickly enough, still enjoying the feel of fresh clothes against his skin and actually managing to feel human. Honestly it didn’t matter to Daryl and if he wasn’t sure Rick would protest he’d wear the same clothes as yesterday, blood stains and all.

When he heads to his own box room to hunt out some clothes he isn’t surprised to feel Rick following him, leaning in the doorway as he changes, and not mentioning the scars on his back when Daryl faces away. It’s stupid, he’d shared a bed with this man and yet things were still new and uncomfortable for him, even if Rick was smiling at him gently.

Sighing a little he can feel himself fidget at the questions running around his head about their new situation. Standing in his old room just makes it all the more real and he’s not sure how to deal with it all. The other man steps closer, close enough to begin buttoning Daryl’s shirt for him over his vest and get him finally trying to speak.

“Rick…” He’s sure they should probably talk about this, about what had happened last night and what exactly was going on now. Sometimes it was easier to understand something when there were rules to follow and lines not to cross, he could cope with that, it made it easier. Running his tongue over his lips he wonders what exactly he should say, and how she should broach this topic between them.

“You know I spoke to Carl last night.” Rick’s voice is his normal steady level, as if they were chatting about the weather and nothing decidedly life changing. “He decided that Judith needed her own room and since we’ve only got a three bedroom place, well there were a limited amount of choices.”

Daryl can’t help but chuckle at it all. It seemed Carl was their buffer, the person they spoke to about the situation when they were unsure even if he’d barely hit puberty himself. Dropping his hands to Rick’s sides he can’t help but watch when he answers, needing clarification even if they were going about the conversation in a roundabout way. “Did you make the right one?” It does make it easier like this though.

“Definitely.” Rick has a smirk on his face, buttoning his own shirt before moving over to Daryl, slipping his hands over his sides and making him shiver. “What about you? Think it makes sense?”

Honestly it didn’t make a single bit of sense at all. Not to the Daryl Dixon that he’d been before all of this. Before the end of everything and hanging out with his asshole brother getting drunk and hating everyone, that Daryl Dixon would have spat in Rick’s face and broken his nose for good measure. Now things are different though, he’s a different man, a better man and this does just feel right.

He’s not about to start wearing pink or being Rick’s little housewife though, heck if the man thought that was happening he’d leave right now. But of course he knows Rick knows that, he knows that things will be relatively the same as before, except with the addition of sharing a bed and other activities. He could cope with that, and honestly, he wanted to have to cope with that and enjoy his place in Rick’s life and Rick’s place in his.

Nodding solemnly he wants to give a clear answer, one that’s supportive and honest. “Yeah. I think it’ll work.” He agrees, and when he kisses Rick again it’s with a pressure that speaks of excitement, worry and need. Daryl knows this won’t suddenly all work out peachy, he and Rick knew each other well but there was so much more left to learn and it would take its time to get there, but it was something he wanted to invest in now.

They remain that way for a while, sharing kisses with Rick’s hands stroking over his lower back, soothing and soft and keeping him right where he needed to be. It’s not sappy and full of stupid words and promises of love and shit, but it’s honest and real and honestly, that’s enough for them both. The promise of each other just being there made it what they needed.

They head downstairs together to the sounds of Carl and Judith, one muttering threats and the other squealing in delight. Entering the kitchen he laughs along with Rick at the sight of Judith in her high chair, slapping at some kind of pink goo and happily squawking at Carl. The boy was sitting beside her with a pot of baby food, sighing hard and trying to get his baby sister to accept the spoonful of it without any luck. “Judy come on it’s yummy I swear.”

Daryl’s amazed at how much mess that tiny pot can make. There’s pink smeared all over Judith’s face where Carl had missed her mouth or the baby had shifted, the food hung in clumps from Carl’s hair and was spattered over the table and floor surrounding them.

“Who’s feeding who here?” Rick asks, moving to get a towel and dampen it to clean up, unable to stop smiling at the situation. Daryl sits the other side of Judith, smiling to her when she gives her usual gummy grin to him and tries to grab at him with pink covered hands.

Carl snorts a little, offering the spoon once more to the baby and sighing when she’s more interested in Daryl than eating. “Hey I’m doing my best, turns out baby gunk isn’t too bad.” He gives up and eats the spoonful himself, not wanting to waste food if he didn’t have to. Besides Judith looked to be in no mood to finish her meal when there were more people to get messy. “You feeling better Daryl?”

“Yeah.” He gives Carl a grateful smile and can see the way the kid looks as if all his plans had fallen into place. The little shit was far more sneaky than he’d thought, he’d have to get him something in thanks. “Much.”

And like that Carl’s smile vanishes, leaving him looking older than he was when he continues, giving them the news they’d been waiting for. “Good, because it starts in half hour and we don’t want to miss it.”

Daryl nods, the guilt of the other day rising within him again at the mention of what they had to do today. Woodbury had its own traditions when they lost someone and though there were no bodies to bury, they could still give their respects to the fallen. He hates it. Every single time they have the assembly he feels the guilt grow a little more and today would be even more difficult than usual. But he would not disrespect the dead and not go, it was unthinkable to do such a thing.

Rick’s hand falls on his shoulder and gives a slight squeeze, a second of comfort and strength being given to him and a promise of being right there beside him. He can’t eat right now, not with the assembly coming up and making him feel uneasy all over. “We should get going then.” Rick catches his daughter off guard and wipes off her face, ignoring her whines of dislike and getting her looking at least presentable by removing the pink goo from her hands and body. When he moves on to get Carl there’s a scuffle, the boy complaining about being babied but Daryl can see the way he doesn’t move away too far from his father’s touch.

Lifting Judith from her seat he removes her bib, checking her pink dress for any stains and hooking her pacifier onto his finger just in case. He’s glad when Rick allows him to take her when they start walking to the other end of town, in front of the old town hall where everyone was gathering in front of the steps. Having Judith gives him something else to focus on instead of the guilt and reminds him that he did the right thing in coming home to his family. They needed him, the dead were already beyond his help.

The town gathers, people crowding in beside them all waiting in a sombre quiet. Judith babbles in excitement when more of their family appears, Michonne reaching out to take hold of a chubby fist and pull faces at her. Carol strokes over Daryl’s arm, giving him a tight smile and he can hear everything she wants to say to him in that moment. Holding out his free hand he holds hers when Hershel and Milton walk to the top of the steps, taking place in front of the boards placed there.

The boards were white, painted with supplies someone had found and covered in the names of all those who had been lost. Family members lost at the start of the outbreak, friends who were missing, those who had fallen in Woodbury’s defence and some who had never even seen the town but were remembered by those inside its walls.

Beside him Maggie and Glenn hold each other, Beth clinging to her sister’s arm and resting her head on Maggie’s shoulder, taking the comfort of family that they had all taken for granted before. Tyreese and Sasha stood nearby, both of their heads bowed in respect though others watched as Hershel spoke of the fallen. The guilt in Daryl’s gut flares up again, and he can’t watch, instead focussing on keeping Judith from breaking the silence and keeping his attention on her.

He listens to the words though and he hates the memories that go through his mind. Hershel is talking of Max’s hard work with getting the farm ready, how he’d always been willing to lend and hand and be a part of it all. All Daryl can see is him screaming for his life as the walkers took bites from his legs and clawed at his chest. Shivering a little he holds Judith a little tighter, feeling her murmur a little, able to sense his distress and being affected by it.

When she begins to whine Hershel is reminding them of how Diane had always kept their spirits up, singing with Beth, somehow managing to keep a supply of makeup in tact to help the women get through the tougher days and pretend everything was how it was before. Daryl remembers her gun jamming, her reaching out for his hand but being too far away to grab when they’d caught her, surrounding her in seconds and cutting off her yells for help. Judith gives a cry in the silence and he feels awful for disturbing this assembly for the two of them, their last moments of remembrance and respect and he was even fucking that up.

Carol’s hand squeezes his a little tighter and Andrea is taking the baby from him, cooing and hushing her gently with a rocking motion. He feels awful for not being able to take care of her right now, but it’s all too much. It’s his fault they died, he should have done something to help, there must have been a way for him to save them somehow.

An arm wraps about his waist, and Rick is there, pressing against his side and keeping him steady. Though they remain in silence he can hear the words of this morning, Rick telling him to stop blaming himself and focus on the here and now. It still burns, heavy in his stomach but with Rick there it makes the load a little easier to bear. The other man stays beside him as Hershel and Milton light the candles before adding the two new names to the boards, there is no date or death anymore, just a knowledge of a loss.

The crowd remains silent, some heads bowed in prayer, some crying, people holding hands and staying close, families surrounding them and being their support. Beside him Carl moves to hold his arm a little, his own head bowed and eyes closed in prayer, in respect. Daryl can’t bring himself to pray, it doesn’t feel right to turn to a God he’d never believed in for comfort, so instead he glances around at his family and takes his support from them.

They’re all close to him, taking comfort as much as giving it and though they may not have known the deceased as well as others, it was still a loss and one they grieved for together. Woodbury was a community now, and a loss was painful for all of them.

Looking up at the boards he sees the new names painted there, dark black lines against the white and disgustingly definite and real. Swallowing back the pain he continues going through the list, eyes drawn to the exact same spot that they always were. Merle’s name was there, listed between others and respected as well as any of the others.

Daryl had protested at first, he hadn’t wanted Merle to be remembered by these people that had jeered for his blood. But they’d done it anyway, and in a way it helped to almost have a grave to mourn at. Rick’s arm tightens its hold as they stand, Hershel before them all talking of how they had to look to the future, and each other for strength. To appreciate family and friends, to love your loved ones as if each day was their last and to remember those that had been lost. He glances to Rick in that moment, and finds the man watching him back, arm still strong around him and keeping him grounded in the here and now.

He may not known where this was going, he may not be entirely sure of how it would work, but he knew he wanted to try and that was good enough. In the silence of Woodbury Rick leans close enough to press a kiss to his lips, enough to be noticed by their family around them and taken note of. The old Daryl would have broken away, yelled and caused a fuss at doing something in front of them all and probably have left there and then.

Instead he stays, a new man with a new family and a new future ahead of him. Carol’s hand squeezes his, Carl’s fingers tighten on his arm as the ceremony ends and he kisses Rick back, surrounded by his family.

\---

A/N: A big thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed this fic, originally it wasn't meant to be continued but it seems I got bitten by the Rickyl bug and couldn't let it go. I was debating making this a little series maybe, with fics centred around the family and the years passing with the kids growing up, so let me know if you're interested. Comments are appreciated and I hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks again. -Higgy


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